Scorpio Risen

Gaaaaaaaaah!!!

Posted on: 9 January, 2007

I think that word sums up my immediate thoughts/feelings quite succinctly after discovering what my brother had been downloading from Limewire yesterday.

(No prizes for guessing what…)

My brother is 13, almost 14. He is very small for his age and, in my personal view, resembles something rat-like; but that is neither here nor there.
So he’s at that age when a lot of guys do start to watch/look at porn. I guess it’s because – and I’m not much of an expert on guys that age, because I was always more focussed on what was happening to me – guys tend to want to “explore” at that age, and society pretty much expects them to objectify women, and to start doing so as soon as possible. (Funny how it’s ‘Lads mags’ not ‘Mens mags’, non? Seems to connote something more youthful about it all.) I mean, I’m probably about to go off on a tangent here but, it’s pretty socially accepted within my peer group (I cannot speak for others), and has been since around that age, that guys watch porn and “jerk off”. At the same time, masturbation amongst girls is pretty much a taboo subject, and I went to an all-girls school ’til 16, and we talked about a lot of sexually explicit stuff together, but never any serious mention of masturbation.

Now, around September time, my brother discovered/realised that you can get porn on the internet (I personally blame his school friends; I noticed strange websites cropping up on the Internet history around the time he had about 3 or 4 mates over, it was shocking). He was on the computer in the study doing “homework”, mum comes in to check he’s doing homework, and then the next thing I know, mum’s going balistic. She’s screaming at him (believe me I would do the same!) and he starts crying. Mum tells him that that is what porn does to you. I actually sat in the other room froze, because I don’t know if anybody likes to think of a relative perusing porn sites, y’know? Although, that said, I did actually go and storm in for my tuppence: “PORN’S SICK!”

Anyhoo, brother didn’t go on any porn sites after that (although, I once noticed he’d looked up “boobs” “thong” and “ass” and various combination of the aforementioned words in google images).

Now, onto yesterday. (Yeah, I still haven’t got this blogging thing down yet.) Last friday, or around that time, my brother got a laptop. Now, I kind of knew this could potentially be asking for trouble… And I was (of course) right. I mean, because I’d just updated my iTunes I could see what was on his shared Limewire files (I’d installed iTunes onto his laptop on Friday), and I felt sick. Maybe I’m prudish, but whatev, I’m just not OK with porn.

I can kind of understand why boys aged 13-14 watch porn, but I’m not saying I think it’s right. I think there’s a social/peer pressure put on them. It’s from that age, when they’re beginning to develop, and like girls are aware of their bodies and the changes, when the social/peer pressure begins to pile on them to be sexually dominant. To be a player. To (at least pretend to) have a big dick. To fuck girls. To watch porn. To masturbate. To be sexually confidant. And guys pick up on these themes in everyday sitcoms. There always seems to be the whole “haha he’s got a small dick” thing going on in popular culture. And, let’s face it, there are images everywhere of women represented as sex objects. So most guys get to the age of 13/14, start watching porn, (maybe earlier, what do I know?), and they find it acceptable, because that’s what popular culture says essentially. It’s masculine to watch porn. All the boys are doing it.
I think some guys think that, by watching porn, they’ll be some kind of expert when it comes to actually doing stuff with girls. Based on what, may I ask? “Acting”? (For want of a better word, and of course, sometimes it’s worse: it’s rape). Psch.

The majority of us like to fantasise, yes, but we don’t all need porn. Porn is restricting. Porn dictates what our fantasies should be. Porn is not equal. At least that’s all true in the traditional male-audience-orientated porn. Because that’s what I mean when I say “porn”. I do tend to generalise my terms too much, make them too vague and ambiguous.
I don’t know much about porn which is aimed at women. Maybe the representations of men and women are more equal, there’s no sub-ordination. So I won’t pass any comment on that. I’ve heard some definitions of porn which include the “demeaning or sub-ordination of one person/people” or something which I’ve paraphrased from memory. However, the definition of porn on dictionary.com (Aren’t I cool?!) is: “creative activity (writing or pictures or films etc.) of no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire”. In which case it would be quite possible for porn aimed at women to be more equal and liberating, except for the fact that is is acting, and not true sexual expression.

Honestly? One of the first things that comes to my head when the issue of men/boys watching porn is raised is: fucking pathetic. It really is.

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9 Responses to "Gaaaaaaaaah!!!"

does your brother read your blog, amy?
x

No,
Least I don’t think so?
x

maybe you should ask him to? and find other blogs like yours that are written by young people and try and get him to understand where you’re coming from?

f x

Hello Amy – fantastic blog. I’d sit here and shower it in praise but I have an appointment to keep. It really is powerful stuff though.

Let me know what you think of these posts of mine:
http://roberthenryjackman.blogspot.com/2007/01/comment-alcohol-doesnt-rape-women.html
http://roberthenryjackman.blogspot.com/2006/11/comment-its-not-just-women-who-should.html

We seem to be coming from the same ideological angle.

Robert 🙂

isn’t she great, robert!!!

x

Great, heartfelt post, Amy 🙂

Hi, just found your blog!

I agree wholeheartedly, porn is never okay. Apart from the fact that it is misogynistic, objectifying and degrading for women, I think in many ways it is the first time boys (and girls) come across sex and it is most likely going to teach them that women exist solely for male pleasure.

Its difficult because our society seems to sanction this behaviour for men and boys – calling it ‘laddish’ behaviour or ‘boys being boys’. And then its very likely that the more porn they see, the more extreme stuff they will want to watch as the initial rush wears off and they seek something more ‘hardcore’ in order to regain that rush.

I think your writing is great! 🙂

Yeah my brother watches porn. I’ve had the delight of finding titles of porn files he has downloaded onto the family computer and turning on the TV and for it to turn on to a porn channel cod he had just been watching it.

I’m glad your Mum had a go at your brother.

I just googled “my brother watches porn” and found your blog. Today i was sitting in our living room watching tv then i went on the computer which is in the same room. i noticed my bro hovering around me and pacing so i opened the other window and it was some filesharing program downloading PORN! i was sitting in the same room! how NASTY is that? i guess he wanted to get a headstart on downloading it for night time. i saw a bit of one saved vid in that program and i just felt my heart in my throat..like a gulp and i almost felt faint..one of the titles was “Son rapes mom”-how fucking sick. if it was sweet love stuff maybe i wouldn’t be that disgusted but that title really horrified me. i was so angry i almost wanted to cry cuz i always thought he was a pretty good brother. i thought i was ‘liberal’ but i guess i am not…i feel grossed out and am not talking to him. i don’t know what to do…on one hand, condemning him won’t work, he will just find some other outlet but i think porn really fucks up guys expectations of women..they expect them to starve themselves and then put in implants because the real boobs starve away…they start thinking of women as fucktoys..i hate this. i am lookin at my fiance now and feeling repulsed..how if he thinks of me like that too?

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